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RPlog:Jessalyn's Hardest Lesson
Main Ring Corridor -- Millennium Falcon A circular passageway that runs the circumference of the ship, this corridor provides access to all the major areas of the _Millennium Falcon_. The walls are lined with dirty, off-white, upholstered padding interspersed with bulkheads and the occasional control panel; the illumination is faintly greenish. The Players: Jessalyn: The composure of this young human woman is probably the most striking thing about her. Though otherwise unassuming, her expression is one of surprising coherence and calm, belied only by the slightly mischievous gleam in her leaf green eyes. Shining dark red hair falls in unruly silken waves down to the middle of her back, framing her wide cheekbones and smooth, pale skin not as fragile as most redheads'. She is relatively tall for a human woman, with long-boned limbs and a natural grace amplified by her skills. Jessa is dressed in a drab green sleeveless shirt, and a pair of kakhi pants with plenty of pockets. Around her waist is a black leather utility belt. Her hair is held back from her face and clipped behind her head, though stray curling locks continue to fall into her eyes. The fit of her trousers and the sturdy brown suede boots on her legs emphasize her narrow waist and the long-legged rhythm of her strides. Luke: Shrouded in ebon clothing as black as night, this thin young humans sky blue eyes sparkle from beneath his hooded cowl. Shaggy locks of disheveled sun-bleached hair poke out above, defying even the blackness of his clothing. His right hand also is clad in a black tight fitting glove occasionally clenching in its prison, as if recalling some ancient memory. Despite the moody attire, his face is jovial, kind and expressive, if not now showing the early lines of coming age and a well worn tan. Faint laughlines at the corners of his eyes, a barely detectable scar in the crease from his nose to his mouth create character to his face. Yet something deep lingers behind his visage, a thoughtful brooding not found in most men his age. The cloak he wears typically has the hood up to conceal his features. After all, in a dangerous galaxy, incognito is a good bet. It is open in the front showing a dark tunic underneath, going nearly to his knee high and jet black military style boots. The only other object visible as his robes move is a silver metallic object twelve inches in length and clipped to his belt. The last few days Jessalyn has spent most of her time with her newly-appointed apprentice, glad for the chance to avoid too many meals with the Solo-Skywalker clan. As glad as she was to see everyone safe again after so long, recent events have made her dread too close scrutiny by anyone with the Force-senses to pry. But she can't avoid Luke forever, and she spends nearly the entire morning in meditation, centering herself and strengthening tattered emotional shields, before finally making her way to the starport. She puts forth a quiet greeting through the Force to announce her presence as she lurks outside the open ramp of the Millennium Falcon, and after just a short hesitation climbs inside and peeks around the corner. "Anybody home?" she calls out. "Jessalyn?" Luke calls out in reply, rising from the deep focus of his meditation. "Yes, come in, I've been expecting you." With that he stands from the common room and makes his way towards the entrance to greet her properly. "It's just me," Jessalyn replies, smiling broadly in spite of herself as Luke appears in the corridor. "I'm sorry I haven't been around much. Things are... progressing very well with Orson. I wanted to thank you for giving me permission to train him. I do realize that you'll need to take over at some point, but..." Realizing that she's rambling, Jessa chuckles and shrugs her shoulders. "But, thank you. For trusting me." Luke shrugs lightly with a touch of boyish charm. Could he be blushing? "That's alright, you deserve it. I can think of no one better to train him." He motions towards the center of the ship. "Please, come in, there is lots to discuss but little time I fear. Would you, uh, like something to drink?" Jessalyn shakes her head as she moves past him and sits down, crossing one leg over the other and folding her hands on her knee as she smiles pensively at him. "No, I'm fine, thank you." She casts about for how to start what she has to say, expelling a small sigh without even realizing it as she leans forward. "I don't know if you've been in contact with Karrde yet, but... when I was there, I made a couple of interesting discoveries. For one thing, on Myrkr, it's almost impossible to sense the Force. At all." She inhales a breath, pausing to gauge his reaction. Luke squints his eyebrows, partially in disbelief. "There is no way that is possible. The Force is everywhere-- for it not to exist, all things would have to be dead. In the entire Galaxy..." Jessa blows out a soft breath and looks down at her hands, shrugging. "I couldn't believe it myself. I thought I was losing my mind at first. But it's true." She glances up, eyes narrowing slightly. "Karrde didn't want me to do much more investigating, but... from what I could sense, it had something to do with a certain creature on the planet." She shakes her head, sharing his disbelief. "I know it's hard to believe." "In this day and age," Luke muses, "That may be a very wise place for Karrde to stay, if true. Thank you for the warning. I think I shall avoid meeting Karrde on his home turf." He pauses to think, "Although, if they are creatures, I wonder if their effects still hold once they leave the planet. Many life form's indigenous abilities are tied to their environment." Something else crosses Jessa's mind, but she lets it pass as she looks down at her boots, suddenly uncomfortable. "That's a good point. I just thought it was something that you should know about. Especially if you're going to be dealing with Karrde. I wasn't happy thinking about the repercussions of the Sith discovering this creature." She purses her lips as she looks away, not wanting to dwell on that unpleasant thought. It takes her a while to get out her next words, using all her effort not to avoid his gaze and strengthen her emotional shields in the process. "I suppose I... owe you some sort of explanation about Simon Sezirok." Luke sits down next to you and lays a hand on your knee. "Only if you're ready, Jessalyn. What is important to know for the moment, I already know: His soul has gone to the Dark Side. He was already on the path when first we met; a shame, since he has such a truely noble heart. Yet you do not have to tell me the rest until you feel comfortable." Jessalyn works to keep her expression rigid, though she frowns slightly as she glances down at his hand on her knee, embarrassment coloring her cheeks crimson. "I know. I think I knew when I met him, really. But... I thought I could bring him back. I did a pretty good job of deluding myself, once again," she adds bitterly, hanging her head and rubbing at her forehead. She refuses to look at him for the sake of her emotions, but gives his hand a gentle pat with her other hand. Luke gently squeezes your knee again in an affectionate gesture, and has a sigh of his own. He then withdraws his hand and crosses his arms in a protective jesture of one leaking out parts of his own abashed soul. "Sometimes, Jessalyn, it is worth the risk. I nearly lost my life, my soul, because of my belief that someone I loved could have been brought back. In the end, I was right, but it cost him his life to do so. Perhaps by continuing to care for him you may provide the anchor he needs to come back to the Light." "I won't stop caring," Jessalyn says slowly, risking a glance at him at last when he leans back. "It just hurts... having put your heart at stake to save someone else. I can't remember ever feeling so alone." Unable to keep the feelings completely back, she lingers around her old hope, the one that had betrayed her in the end, and gazes sadly at the Jedi Master. "I remember the way you used to tell me you couldn't afford to feel for anyone, Luke," she whispers, barely able to believe the words that are leaving her mouth. "I could never really believe you, you know. There's no one more loving than you. You just won't let anyone else care." "I almost wish I could make myself stop caring, Jessalyn," he says, eyes looking older than his natural age. "Almost; I'm not sure what I would become. I saw in your eyes, when Simon turned, the recognition of why I wish this were so. So many friends, new and old; students, mentors, heros, all lost to what seems to be an endless battle to balance the injustice in the universe. We must endure," he continues, level gaze meeting your own. "And so we shall endure. Such is the will of the Force." He tries a re-assuring smile, despite the clash of emotions rattling in his skull. "Is it the will of the Force that we spend all our lives defending others, never to have a moment's peace or happiness for ourselves?" Sounding young and naive, Jessa shakes her head adamantly. "Maybe that makes me a bad Jedi, or a selfish one, but I can't believe it's true. No one deserves to be happy more than you do." She folds her arms in a defiant gesture which is yet similar to his own. "You don't really wish you could stop caring. You wouldn't be who you are." She tries to return his smile, but it comes out a bit half-hearted, betrayed by the conflict in her eyes. "As far I am aware, the path of the Jedi was never an easy path. People we love can get hurt simply because we love them," he grimaces, the pain of that particular wound too fresh. "That doesn't mean that we can't find happiness where we're able, Jessa," he slips to the more familiar term. "I am enjoying having you back, now, you see? We must take what pleasures we are offered when we can, and hold them." Something in Luke's expression makes Jessalyn narrow her eyes, a twinge of jealousy flaring inside her even though she has no idea what its source would be. She swallows hard, her expression growing more grim as she shakes her head once more. The jealousy has another effect, pricking open a few wounds that Luke all unknowingly has caused. Rising, her long-legged strides take her to the cooling unit in the corner. Just as she'd figured, a bottle of Corellian brandy kept by the captain of this particular vessel. Fighting the urge to grab it, she instead removes a pitcher of water and helps herself, pouring a cup. Only after she takes a swig and turns to look back at Luke is she able to control her expression enough to respond with a measure of composure, one hand on her hip, every line of her body a challenge. "Are you really, enjoying having me back? Luke, I can't remember the last time I saw you enjoying -anything-. Of course, I've been gone for two years, not that you cared enough to even go -looking- for me. What was I supposed to think when I was rescued by a group of renegade Dark Jedi?" Luke looks hurt, briefly, but then becomes the model of perfect serenity. His voice remains perfectly even as he responds, "I tried, Jessalyn. Valak had you very well hidden. In fact, even while I was a 'guest' of his I could not sense you nearby. Things got out of hand when most of the students I had in the Jedi School were slaughtered by that same renegade band. I very desperately wanted to help you, but initially I did not even know where you had gone, that you needed help. I am sorry that I failed you for so long." A pang of guilt spikes through her at his words about the Jedi School, and Jessalyn bends her head for a moment. But his cool demeanor only infuriates her even more, and she consciously counts the passing seconds, taking another sip of water, and letting the Force calm her heart a little more. "I'm sorry," she says, looking away from him. "I've said things I don't have any right to say. You know how I've always felt, and I wish sometimes that you didn't, or that I could forget, myself. I don't want to let that get in the way of things between us. I'll always be your apprentice, really, Luke." She takes a deep breath, hugging her arms around herself and leaning against the bulkhead with her head lowered. Luke stands, and moves to you, putting a arm around your shoulder in an attempt at a comforting hug. Unfortunately, he has not had much experience in that area so it is kind of awkward to say the least. "I am glad to hear that," he murmers softly and perhaps a bit too jovially as though covering up his true feelings. "That is what is safe, for now. I can tell you, however, that now that you are back I am the happiest I have been in two years." A brief pang of his own guilt strikes in his heart, for he leaves out the time where his happiness was at least equaled; yet now is not the time to discuss his own more personal past over the past few years, so he keeps silent with only a small sigh escaping his lips. Almost reluctantly, Jessalyn slides her arm around his waist to return the hug. "That's really it, isn't it?" she murmurs quietly, the soft music of her voice in contrast to the buzz of her own thoughts coalescing in her head. Jessa turns her dark red head to give the Jedi Master an assessing look, something hard and vulnerable in her fierce green eyes. "That's why I have to let you go. It will never be 'now' for you. It's okay, really. I always understood. I just couldn't accept it." She smiles weakly and moves out of his awkward embrace, glancing behind her as if plotting her escape. "Always in motion is the future," the Jedi quotes, arms reluctantly leaving the embrace as you separate. "It is difficult to see what may come." A sudden realization dawns on Luke, piecing together what he just heard with the emotions flowing between Jessalyn and Simon on the beach. "Simon found out how you felt, didn't he?" his own wisdom is betrayed by his curiosity to see if he is right. And perhaps a need to know that even he can't explain. "Oh, Jessalyn, I am sorry..." words fail him as he tries to explain his sudden unexplainable guilt, and remorse, at what he must have put his poor apprentice through. "What are you sorry for? You didn't do anything," Jessalyn says, failing to hide the bitterness she feels. "Simon found out, and hated me for it. Sometimes I hate myself for it." She looks at him sidewise, torn between leaving before this conversation deteriorates even further, or having it out with him at long last. Somewhere between the time Valak captured her and now, she has developed a spine. "Well, a Jedi isn't supposed to live for the future, and that's all I've done since I fell in love with you. Dreaming for a day that won't ever come, even trying to forget you when someone else shows an interest in me." Her lips purse angrily together as she glares at him. "And I think a part of you likes it. You like the thought that I'll always be there wanting you, no matter what. Well, I'm not going to waste my life like that. If you don't have the guts, or you don't feel what I feel, then it's -your- loss this time, Luke Skywalker." With a fierce scowl, she turns on her heel and marches out of the main hold. Women. Luke sits down at the holochess table, somewhat confused. A thousand thoughts run through his head, from is she right, to amazement at how he managed to bungle it, somehow, yet again. And, another thought, as her Master, he wants to chase after her to tell her not to dwell on her anger and aggression, yet this time wisdom holds and he stays put. "She'll need time," he pronounces to the empty chess table as he remembers his own pain when his father turned him over to the Emporer despite his attempts to sway the man back to the Light. Jessalyn's Hardest Lesson